Rumours were flying and I for one
Did not believe for a minute
That you were really missing
Even when I was tacking up those
Posters all over town, I just thought
You needed to go to ground
Gain some perspective, take a break
Hey – I could relate – believe me
Then a close friend confided
You had just switched meds
Meds? I hadn’t known you were on any
Oh yeah, for years – how could it be
More posters going up, a little
More urgency – I still thought you
Were just in hiding; you were so, so
Alive – and competent, and vibrant
Why would you not want to live?
I didn’t believe it, not for a minute
My son-in-law called – he’s a cop
They were fishing a body out of the river
He wanted me to know before I heard it
On the news – it didn’t have to be you
Did it? I asked him that – is it him?
He could neither deny nor confirm
But the tone of his voice was pitying
I love him but I hated that –
The way he seemed to feel he had to
Well, shield me, or protect me
Especially because I was still putting
Up posters, refusing to believe
Even as they pulled someone
From that muddy river, that it
Was you – it didn’t have to be you
What clinched it for me – aside
From the autopsy, I mean
Before those results were in -
I ran into your room-mate
And we stopped for coffee
She confided in me that the night
You had walked away from your place
You had texted her from the bridge
Oh my God, I just stared at her
Did you tell the cops this?
His family? She shook her head
She had only just remembered ...
What did it say – I asked, not really
Wanting to know but needing to, you know?
She took her phone our of her bag
Fiddled with it for a few seconds
Then held it up so I could read the letters
On the screen, “Jesus wept”, and his initials
All the air in the coffee-house rushed
Out as we stared at each other
Crying and holding hands
“He was an atheist,” I whispered
“I know, I know,” she said
“I don’t know what I should do with these ...”
Posters of a once-missing friend
Found dead in the river
An atheist who at last found Jesus?
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