THE DEADLINE April 15.2010 re prompt "deadlines"

The Deadline

It started out the way it always does
She was pleasant and inquired after
My health, my guy’s well-being, the kids
The usual lulling me into a sense
Of normalcy; that thing she does so
Easily that I fall under her spell without
Giving it a second thought; after so many
Years, I wonder, what is the matter with me

Is my need for her, for a connection with
A blood relative so desperate, and,
Since she’s the only one left, I let her
Repeatedly suck me in, make me believe
She loves me, likes me even, just enough
To be civil, to let bygones be bygones

What are those anyhow – bygones I mean
Previous hurts? Past wrong-doings?
Dearly departed injuries inflicted by us
Upon each other – former, golden days,
Imagined slights, long-gone insults
Dreamt or imagined veracity – are all
Of these bygones? I often find myself

Wondering this, just as she sinks her teeth
Into the softest, most vulnerable part
Of my psyche – and, I can’t even say for
Sure where that is, just that she finds
It unerringly, every time we speak

As true as a flaming arrow sent
From a skilled crossbow-man’s instrument
She delivers finally a line, a phrase,
Or several words, designed to remind
Me that, at the core of it all – she cannot
Forgive me- or will not- for whatever it is
I have done this time – whatever the transgression
Might be, in her mind, and she does not
Say, of course, what that is – just hangs me
Out to dry – dangling as if over a precipice

As I struggle there over the abyss, she begins
Letting loose with her vituperative string
Of invective, hardly pausing to draw breath;
I try to interrupt knowing how pointless that
Exercise is but feeling the necessity nonetheless;
It takes me several seconds to finally realize I am
Holding a silent receiver in my hand, no sound
In my ear, save the dial tone; once again, slowly
I become aware; all I have left to me is a dead line