TO LET GO YOUR SOUL 04.18.10 prompt "to_________"

To Let Go Your Soul

It has been five years now

And still I fight the idea

That you know longer breathe

I go to where you lie some

Days and ask your stone—

Why and how, and all of it

Not really expecting

You to answer but needing

You to hear me all the same

Just when I think I am done

With being angry and ready

To get on with letting you go

I will find myself slipping

Dangerously near the edge

Of the abyss—you know the one

And I expect to find you

Rushing towards me, reaching

Out to keep me from plunging

Down, and down, and down

And it’s only my red-hot anger

That keeps me pulled back

And sometimes almost flips

Me back the other way – you

Know, to that unhealthy place

And I guess I half-expect

To find you guarding

The gate to crazy land too

But just before I trip the light

Fantastic up those stairs to

Mania, I picture your sad eyes

And come back down with a thud

So I guess you are still doing

Your job after a fashion

All the same, I wish I knew

Why you felt you had to leave

Why you could not reach out

When you made it clear

It was what you expected

Of me, of any of us that came

To you for advice, for counsel

For your wisdom, of which you

Seemed to have uncharted depths

For that as much as anything

Has been the ultimate

Betrayal— that you would

Take the out that you

Explicitly forbid any of us

To consider, even in passing

I try; I do, to come to peace

With your leaving me

But you know how I am

And abandonment

Is a huge issue for me;

Yours has been by far

The worst – so it may

Take the rest of my life

For me to come to terms

With it, and even then

I may not, might just

Keep looking for your

Energy particles

In the hereafter

Or wherever...

Five years seems

Like a long time but

It’s really not, I guess